Jokes
Joke 1
A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer asks her some questions:
Officer:
What's 2 + 2?
Blonde: Ummm... 4!
Officer: What's the square root of 100?
Blonde: Ummm... 10!
Officer:
Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln?
Blonde: Ummm... I dunno.
Officer: Well, you can go home and think about
it. Come back tomorrow.
The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job.
The
blonde replies excitedly, "Not only did I get the job, I'm already working on a murder case!"
Joke 2
The Amish Hand Warmer: An amish woman
and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day. The daughter said to her mother, "My hands are freezing
cold." the mother replied "Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up." The daughter did and her hands warmed
up.
The next day the daughter was riding with her boyfriend who said, "My hands are
freezing cold." The girl replied, "Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm them up." He did and warmed his
hands. The following day the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter. He said, "My nose is cold." The girl replied
"Put it between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm it up." He did and warmed his nose. The next day the boyfriend was
again driving with the daughter and he said, "My penis is frozen solid."
The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother, and she
says to her mother, "Have you ever heard of a penis?" Slightly concerned the mother said, "Why, yes. Why do you ask?" The
daughter replies, "They make one hell of a mess when they defrost, don't they?
Joke 3
A guy walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says
to her, "Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100 dollars?
"Are you nuts? !!" she replies, and keeps
walking away. He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does.
"Would you let me bite
your breasts for $1,000 dollars?" he asks again.
"Listen you; I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?" So the guy runs
around the next block and faces her again. "Would you let me bite your breasts
just once for $10,000 dollars?"
She
thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmm, $10,000 dollars, eh? Ok, just once, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley
over there."
So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world.
As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying
his face in them, but not biting them.
The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, "Well? Are you gonna bite them or
not?"
"Nah", he replies. "Costs too much..............."
my favorite joke 4
An 85 year old man visits his doctor to get a spearm count. The geezer's given a jar and told
to bring back a sample. The next day he returns to the doctor with an empty jar.
What happened? says the doctor.
"Well," the old man starts, "I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her
left -- nothing. Then she tried with her mouth, first with her teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called
Evelyn, the lady next door, but still nothing."
The doctor bursts out, "You asked your neighbor?"
"Yep, No matter what we tried we couldn't get that damn jar open." lol
